Universal Loving-Kindness/Self Assessment

Hello to my fellow classmates,

I have to say I did not like this weeks meditation of the Univeral Loving-Kindness.  I think the biggest reason that I did not like it was that, I was not listening to the words and then repeating them in my mind.  I was not able to relax the way I usually do, it did not help that I had to keep opening my eyes to see what I was suppose to be repeating.  I think that if it was set to the backdrop of ocean sounds and I was able to fully relax and listen and repeat things would have gone much more smoothly.

Now as for the self assessment...I have decided that I am just a mess.  There are alot of things that I need to work on.  Right now the most pressing issue is my health. I recently learned that there may be a mass in one of my lungs.  I have been referred to a specialist and I see them this coming week.  Since learning of this I have increased my meditation.  I know that focusing on what it may be does not help me feel any better.  I know that for now, I need to remain in the present and when the time comes I will deal with the answer that is given to me.  I will then be able to take the next steps in clearing this issue and then moving on to the next.  I keep telling myself, it is one day at a time.  That as long as I keep moving one foot in front of the other all will be ok. 

Stacey Clark

Loving/Kindness vs Subtle Mind

The last four month of my life have been a roller coaster.  Last week on October 11th my grandfather passed away.  The following is the obituary placed in the paper:

Salvatore C. Caruso (Sal) , USAF Master Sgt. (Retired)
Born June 4, 1932 Boston, MA, deceased October 11, 2012 Montgomery, AL
Survived by his wife of 38 years Emily Waters Caruso, his children Debra West (Steve), Angela Tucker (Steven), Rebecca Waters, Craig Waters (Arla), Kirk Waters (Dawn), 15 grandchildren and 14 great grandchildren.
Sal is warmly remembered as a loving husband and father who dutifully served his country in the USAF and after retirement in a Civil Service capacity including Youth Director at Maxwell AFB.
As an avid golfer who achieved two "hole in ones" he shared his love of the game with family and friends. His passion for gardening brought joy to all who entered his beautiful yard.
As I was listening to the Loving/Kindness meditation, I found that it was hard but good.  I felt that I could at least take some of the pain away from my grandmother and send her comfort and love. 

I dont think I have ever had a "quiet mind".  It is always going, it is the reason that I do not sleep like I should.  I am learning with this class and doing the meditation it is helping slow it down.  My body is also talking to me too, it is telling me that I need to stop and realize what I am doing.  There are changes that I need to make, but I feel a little lost as to what those changes are.  I know they will come to me I have to be patient, something I am still learning after 37 years.

Stacey Clark

Mind-Body-Spirit Eval

1. Based on your reflections, and on a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being optimal wellbeing), where do you rate your A-physical wellbeing, B-spiritual well-being, C-psychological well-being? Why?

 

Once I started evaluating myself, I am not sure that I have high levels of anything.  As for my physical well-being I see that as a 3.  Yes it is low, this is because I am diabetic, overweight and I have some lower back issues.  About a month ago I found out that I have a slipped disc due to a decrease in cartilidge in my spine.  Being overweight is not helping this issue either. 

 

As for my spiritual well-being, I would see that as a 5.  I know that there is something out there.  I know that I want to believe in that but have a hard time with it. 

 

As for my psychological well-being, I would also see that as a 5.  This is due to having bipolar.  I was diagnosed 5 years ago, I have been on and off medication over the years.  It is something that I wish I could just have it go away.

 

2. Develop a goal for yourself in each area (physical, spiritual, psychological).

Currently my goal for my physical well-being is to stay on track with my physical therapy for my lower back.  Once I can strenghten my mucles in that area I will then be able to increase my amount/type of exersice so that I can continue to loose weight.  This in-turn should help with my diabetes and being over weight. 

Current goal for my spirtitual well being is talking with my friend that is already working in this field.  Asking for spiritual cd's.  Also to actually start reading the bible.  I have one that is for daily reading and to be able to read it in a year.

Current goal for psychological well-being would be to ask for help when I am having a low.  Something I am not good at. 

3.  What activities or exercise can you implement in your life to assist in moving toward each goal?

The things that I can implement in my life is meditation; regular exersice; and actually trying to focus on these goals.

4. The Relaxation exersice:

I am finding that I do like the relaxation exersices even when they do not really "go" with me.  This weeks relaxation have you focusing on different areas in your life.  The mantra's that you would need to say as you are breathing, I didnt necessarily believe in them.  It is something that I feel that I know that I need to work on.  That maybe if I were to get these thing in order, my life would not be as stressful as it is now.  I don't doubt that I will always have some sort of stress but I would like the good kind.

After this week's work in this class, it is obvious to me that I have alot of work to do on myself, it will only be for the better.  :)

Stacey Clark